What I’m proud of and Dealing with Shame
Today, I want to talk about shame.
It’s an aspect of life that most of us have felt one way or another.
Shame definition goes like this:
noun
a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
“she was hot with shame”
verb
(of a person, action, or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.
“I tried to shame him into giving some away”
Synonyms:
humiliation
mortification
chagrin
ignominy
loss of face
shamefacedness
embarrassment
indignity
abashment
discomfort
discomfiture
discomposure
guilt
remorse
contrition
compunction
Opposite:
pride
indifference
After talking to good friend over Bible study, I realized I was still dealing with shame.
We discuss the Gospel and the freedom we have in Christ.
But, for me I still struggle with the freedom that promises his followers.
I walk around around humiliated by my actions as a person with Bi-Polar disorder.
Boy, when I’m symptomatic life can be heavy. Or, light as I go a million miles a second.
I’ve been dealing and battling this disease of the mind since I was 17.
I’m 32 now, so for 15 years I’ve been carrying this burden.
Yet, today, it’s no longer a burden.
My friend reminded me that Christ loves me for me and not the errors or accomplishments I’ve made.
He knows me and cares about me.
I am proud to say I’m a high functioning person with Bi-Polar disorder.
I’m proud the fact I’ve explored the world and paved a way of my own success.
It’s been a roller coaster ride and I couldn’t of asked for a better life.
Today, I’m choosing to love my disorder and embracing every inch of the disorder.
I take pride of who I am and where my journey leads me.
Pride is the opposite of shame.
I am proud of losing 100lbs.
I am proud of making over $380,000 in Annual Recurring Revenue for a start up I worked at in 2015–2016.
I am proud to be a survivor of suicide.
I am proud of the friendships I keep.
I am proud of traveling Japan for two weeks.
I am proud of starting a support group for those struggling with mental illness.
I am proud of volunteering over 400 hrs of community service.
I am proud of the thirst of knowledge by reading 141 books.
I am proud of my mentors and the application of knowledge they have taught me.
I am proud of being a BAMF and thriving with this disorder of the mind.
Today, is a reminder that I am that I am.
I am whole and I am complete.
I no longer have to walk around in humiliation and shame.
Oh! I forgot!
I am proud of getting hit in the face three times in my life and walking away.
I am proud of turning the other cheek and not escalating the fight.
It shows strength in the midst of assault.
I am proud of trying Varsity Internship Program, a door to door sales program.
I am proud of cold calling over 30,000 prospects in my career as a sale’s professional.
I am proud of the half marathon I ran in 2018.
I am proud of paying off my student loan debt of 25k.
I am proud of the medicine I take to treat my mood imbalance.
I am proud of polar plunging three times in the cold ocean.
I am proud that I am still a virgin waiting till marriage.
I am proud of character that I’ve held since I was a teenager.
I am proud of myself for abstaining explicit material.
I am proud of the 16 visits to a mental hospital because I needed the attention for my mania and depression.
I love myself and I am proud of who I am.
I am proud of my faith and the people who surround me to encourage me.
If you’re feeling shame, try this exercise listing examples of your pride.
Hope you enjoyed.
Feel the joy!